Question:
Male, 1987, 175, 115, 985 graduate student, product director, part-time freelance designer, mainly responsible for packaging design, etc., annual income guarantee is 20w+, the situation is good It can be 40W+, have a car and a house, the house is 150 square meters, fully paid, and no debt. My parents are farmers who grow fruit trees at home. They have two younger sisters who are solely responsible for supporting their education. The eldest sister has just graduated and the younger sister is in high school.
Female, 1992, 160, 95, bachelor's degree, secretarial work, established, equivalent to half an iron rice bowl. The salary is not high at NT$4,000, but the company provides complete benefits, and there is also public rental housing for NT$500 per month. As long as you don't leave your job, your right to use it will not be taken back (you don't have a house). She is a single woman, her parents are civil servants, and her father is a moderate cadre.
Teacher, are these two people compatible?
The woman is me and the man is my boyfriend. , together for three and a half years. I feel very good being with him. He treats me very well, is considerate and willing to coax others, and his emotional value is quite high. But when it came time to talk about marriage, I backed down. From the naked eye, it looked like his income was several times higher than mine, and his hardware was better than mine. It was me who was trying to get ahead, but it was actually the opposite.
Although he is a designer, his temperament and concept always have an earthy flavor, and his clothes are full of local flavor (maybe it is influenced by rural families). I was very embarrassed when meeting my parents. I didn't know how to communicate with them, so I had to laugh with them and try not to speak. Secondly, my family is pretty good in terms of connections, but his family is completely blank. If he marries me, my family’s connections will be of great help to him.
So I always feel that something is wrong. My friends also said that this is a typical Phoenix man, or a girl-supporting devil, so be careful.
It’s not that I dislike him intentionally. Our original family and growing environment are so different. I’m afraid there will be a gap and it will be too late to regret it after we get married, so I’m a little hesitant for a while. Although our relationship is so good now that we are in love, I know that the perspective of thinking about problems is different during the relationship and after marriage, and the mentality will be different. By then, problems that may not have been a problem will become problems.
I asked my parents for their opinions, and my mother said that she didn’t want to interfere and I would just do whatever I wanted. My father had obvious objections, and he was generally a little concerned about his original family, so he said he would wait and see.
Then I waited and watched for more than a year. He was getting older and his family was pressing him hard, so he was very anxious. He hoped that I could make up his mind as soon as possible. This is why I came to see the teacher.
Answer:
Girl, you yourself have said that you dislike the other party, so why are you asking the teacher what his purpose is? What?
You have been struggling for so long. I am afraid you still agree with him in your heart, but you have too many worries in your heart, so you need someone to stand on the third side.The angle tells you that he is good and worth marrying.
Then let’s talk about this issue.
What you care about is nothing more than these two.
1. Temperament issues.
You think he is tacky and you are afraid that taking him out to meet friends will damage your face. This concept is a bit too much. If soil is a sin, can he have the current career and income? As long as he is not slovenly, what is shameful about it?
To use an inappropriate analogy, figures such as Wang Sicong or Peng Yuyan dress When farmers pretend to be in front of the public, do people think they are vulgar? They just think it is called performance art. Without real soil, strength is the right to speak, and he obviously has this right to speak.
If you really feel that his clothing and language habits are not in line with the temperament you want, you can help him change it. Clothing and the like itself need to be cultivated. People will naturally adapt to whatever the environment requires people to become. His attire had no effect on him originally, and he certainly had no motivation to change it. Now that you feel uncomfortable, you should take the initiative to train him to transform him and gradually guide him to meet your expectations.
2. The other person’s family of origin.
The main reason why the so-called Phoenix men have not been welcomed in recent years is not their own problems, but the conditions of their original family are extremely poor and they have a lot of poor relatives. It’s not scary to have poor relatives, but I’m afraid that some relatives are of poor quality, or if they see the man becoming prosperous, they will find ways to come to suck blood and ask for help, which will screw up the man himself and bring the woman into the trap as well.
First of all, this problem is a problem of probability. Not all men who change their destiny through their own efforts have such a baggage behind them. Secondly, I believe that a man with emotional intelligence and rationality knows how to draw boundaries and how to protect himself and his family.
Finally, girl, do you think too highly of yourself? Being able to be a product manager for others, plus being a freelance designer, all requires connections. It is difficult for someone who really works hard to become a product manager. To 40W+ income. People in this type of profession usually deal with boss-level figures, so it’s not certain whether your so-called connections are needed. Even if they are needed, they are just the icing on the cake, not so important that they are indispensable.
So after talking for a long time, what is there to worry about? Make a decision as early as possible. The longer you hesitate, the more he will sense your dislike for him. Don’t make him frustrated in the end. I regretted it so much. Since you like it, just follow your heart.
