Many people think that entering the tired period of love may be the time to break up. In fact, this is not the case. The tired period of love may be the moment when your relationship sublimates. Let’s analyze why this is?
Why is the period of love burnout a time of emotional sublimation?
How is a perfect love formed? At present, the most recognized theory in psychology is Sternberg's "Love Triangle Theory": passion, intimacy, and commitment.
The psychological essence of what we often say about the "seven-year itch" and "love will eventually turn into family affection" is that the passionate part of love will be exhausted.
Passion is the joy of first sight. As long as you see the other person, your heart will beat wildly, and you will not tire even if you are sticky together, but all this is caused by neurotransmitters.
Benzene Ethylamine makes people nervous, and dopamine makes you addicted to each other. However, these wonderful hormones have an adaptation period. If one day, the passion burns out, but intimacy and commitment are not established, such an intimate relationship will naturally appear awkward. And weird.
There is also such a lyric in Li Zongsheng's song "Cloudy Day".
The beginning is always wonderful every minute
Everyone thinks that enthusiasm will never diminish
Except for the little bit of tiredness after the passion fades
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When the passion recedes, what you should do is to establish your own intimacy and commitment.
The so-called intimacy refers to the harmony of three views and mutual support. Even if you are no longer a couple, you can still be close friends.
The so-called commitment means that both parties have common plans and expectations for the future and are willing to work together for the future.
In other words, a long-lasting love, apart from the initial sexual attraction and hormones, should be about mutual appreciation and mutual growth.
A bad relationship is when two people are immersed in the romance of the passionate period, degenerate into a state of "all-out narcissism", and after the passionate period is over, they complain that the other party "isn't as good to me as before".
A good relationship is one in which both parties can understand and accept that passion is temporary, and can establish compatible communication through in-depth communication and jointly plan a future life.
In a 1970 paper, American psychologist Bernard Murstein analyzed the development process of love and proposed the famous SVR theory, which is stimulus-value- Role (Stimulus-Value-Role) theory.
This theory extends Sternberg’s love triangle theory and proposes the proportion of passion (stimulation), intimacy (values), and commitment (role) in different stages of love. Love is first dominated by stimulation, then by value, and finally by role.
Therefore, when entering the period of love burnout, the relationship needs to say goodbye to the dominance of passion. The process of establishing intimacy and commitment is a process of sublimation.
If it cannot be upgraded, the relationship will stay in the "fair-weather partner stage" of eating, drinking, having fun and having sex, and naturally it will not last long.
I used to think that if lovers start to get tired of each other, it should end. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that true love begins to emerge when you feel your love begins to fade and your relationship enters a period of lethargy. Of course, you can choose to give up and find a new love, but the price is that you will never escape the new cycle of death.
