Question:
My partner and I have been together since we were in college. Now that we have graduated, we have worked in different cities for two years.
Recently I proposed to end my long-distance relationship and return to my hometown to get married, but I didn’t expect that the answer she gave me was to wait.
Because her parents in her hometown have been persuading her to go on a blind date, saying that the parents don’t agree with us because they think the conditions in my family are not very good. She knows her family, and it’s not good to go head-on, so it takes time to solve the problem.
At first, I believed her because our relationship has always been very good. But after 2 months, I became very anxious and began to suspect that she was looking for an excuse to break up.
We had a lot of quarrels during this period because of this matter. She said that I didn’t understand her and didn’t trust her, but I became more and more desperate. We might be on the verge of breaking up. Should we persist in such a relationship?
Answer:
Hello friend, actually Your girlfriend's parents disapproval of your marriage may be due to various reasons, some of which are seemingly reasonable, such as not being a good match; others are completely unreasonable, such as inconsistent horoscopes. Many people actually lose not because of their parents, but because of their coping methods.
So, if you want to persevere, you can try to bring your girlfriend into the same camp as you and face the obstacles in front of you together.
Parental obstruction is a roadblock. Your role should be your girlfriend’s comrade-in-arms. She doesn’t want her parents to hinder her relationship and fight the roadblock. She needs you as a comrade-in-arms to support her and cooperate with her.
If you cannot understand her and just watch her fight alone with anger, annoyance, and grievance, and put pressure on her, then she will definitely be exhausted and declare failure before long.
Of course, I also know that as a girl, I will definitely worry that I will waste my youth in vain and wait for nothing. It is normal to have this anxiety. But if you decide to give it a try, put this anxiety away for now.
At least make your girlfriend not afraid to face you. The less pressure you put on her, the closer she will be to you. The more she feels that her parents are unreasonable, the greater your chance of winning.
Everyone’s family of origin is different. What you think is effective for your own parents may not be applicable to the other parent’s parents.
So, when you don’t agree with your girlfriend’s way of coping, don’t rush to criticize her. Try to learn more about her parents’ personalities and parenting concepts, so as to understand her current way of coping.
She knows her parents better than you do. The coping methods you want her to try are not because she is unwilling to do them, but because she judges them to be inappropriate or counterproductive.
At this time, instead of arguing fiercely, if you express understanding calmly, your relationship will be closer, and he will have more courage and reasons to fight for your future.</ p>
In addition, many times, the elders’ opposition to their children’s feelings is based on some traditional concepts. They just don’t like some of your personal circumstances, but they may not like you as a person.
You can discuss this with your girlfriend. Try to create more opportunities for interaction with your elders, so that your elders can gradually get to know you.
If you are worried about problems, you can also let your girlfriend show you your good side first, and gradually deepen the impression of your elders on you. Weaken the prejudice caused by your inherent concepts and slowly accept your relationship.
In the final analysis, you have to remember one core thing. A good relationship between the two of you is the prerequisite for solving the problem of parents' opposition. .
If you also encounter various emotional problems, you can add it and tell me your specific situation, and I will help you with some advice.
< /p>
