I have to say that the reasons why couples break up now are really weird. A few days ago, a friend who just got married told me that she was planning to divorce her husband. The reason for the breakup was that she wanted to buy a stew pot, but the other party said she didn't need to buy it because she had a stew pot at home, and then she filed for divorce.
I was shocked and asked her: "You are getting divorced because your husband doesn't allow you to buy a pot?" She said that this "pot" was the straw that broke the camel's back. The bigger contradiction behind this incident is that the two people have different views on feelings.
After marriage, her husband wanted her to be a full-time wife and run the house frugally, while she hoped that she could have her own job, make progress together, and support each other.
Because of love, she made a compromise and became a housewife at home. However, their different emotional concepts brought many conflicts to them later, and they were finally defeated by this "stew pot".
So, can two people with different views really not be able to be together?
In fact, in relationships , it is important to say whether the three views of two people are compatible or not, but it is not that important to say that it is not important.
Next, let’s first clarify what the three views in a relationship refer to:
Values, that is, what you think is the most important in a relationship; outlook on life, that is, what do you think about it? Emotional future planning; worldview, that is, how you see the world.
1. Is it possible to chat?
Writer Liu Zhenyun said in "One Sentence is Worth Ten Thousand Sentences":
"A person's loneliness is not loneliness. Finding another person, finding another sentence in one sentence, is the real loneliness."
Just like, I say the sea is beautiful, but you think it has drowned many people, this is not a conversation. .
I said the sea is beautiful, and you said we should go and see it together if we have a chance. That’s more like it.
2. Consumption concept
Whether you have the same view on spending money is also a fatal point.
Either both of them are ahead of their time, or both of them are frugal. In short, they should remain unified in some big purchases.
Otherwise, you will send flowers and create surprises for the sake of romance, but she will say angrily: These flowers cannot be eaten or drunk, it is a complete waste, why not just give me cash.
3. Yearning for the future
Is the future you want much worse?
In "A Dream of Red Mansions", Jia Baoyu kisses Daiyu but stays far away from Baochai. The reason is one sentence: "Sister Lin never says such bastard words."
Heart, embark on a Qingyun road of "good wind relies on strength". Helpless, Jia Baoyu doesn't love the common people, but only loves the wind and moon.
At this time, some friends must be muttering in their hearts, I am indeed different from the girl I like in many aspects, can we still fall in love?
The editor believes that it is important to have the same views, but it is more exciting if the three views are slightly different, so that we can complement each other. ah. (Emphasis: slightly different)
You like exquisite Western food, and I love eating street stalls. I will accompany you to finish the Western food, and you will accompany me to experience the stalls. Because of each other, we are exposed to new things that we would not normally be exposed to. Isn’t it beautiful?
What’s more, three views will also change over time.
When we were children, we hated those people who were nothing but rich people, and we vowed never to become the most annoying people in our lives. When I grow up, it smells so good!
To be honest, a slight disagreement in the three views is not the source of the conflict. The most terrifying thing is that when the three views are inconsistent, one party uses his own three views to kidnap others and force the other party to accept his ideas.
I always like to put my own three views above those of others. I will reject all those whose three views are different from my own, and even judge you and belittle you.
For example, those who say they drink more hot water are straight men.
Finally, I want to say that there are no two people in the world who have absolutely the same views. Everyone is a unique individual.
Different families of origin, educational environments, and experiences will inevitably make everyone different.
In relationships, the probability of us meeting someone with exactly the same three views is very small. Same conditions, but different results. Some relationships are stable and long-lasting, while others are like fast food.
The reason is nothing more than running-in, and the key to whether two people can get along lies in this.
In the early stages of a relationship, two people can maintain a relationship for a period of time because of the novelty. Smart people know how to start a little bit of running-in during the period of novelty. By the end of the running-in period, if the two people are running in well, there is a high chance that they can be stable for a long time.
The vast majority of people who break up do not pay attention to running-in, do not understand running-in, and just blindly consume each other's freshness. The results can be imagined.
This is why everyone always emphasizes running-in.
Therefore, friends, if you want a stable and long-term relationship that can lead to marriage, you really need to learn how to get along as a couple.
