I saw a joke not long ago: "There is no pure friendship between men and women. Try getting married. Make sure you wear transparent clothes, and he will treat you as transparent."
. So how can we get a dignified divorce in such a marriage?According to marriage research expert, John Gottman, there are four main conflict modes between couples:
The first is the variable type, where couples often quarrel and have great emotional ups and downs< /p>
The second is the confirmation type, where couples seek empathy and regard their partner as their lifelong sustenance
The third is the escape type, when problems arise in the marriage, both parties turn a blind eye and hope that the problems will disappear automatically
The fourth is the hostile type. In order to protect themselves, they will stop communicating with the other party, and even maliciously hurt the other party when a conflict occurs.
One: 4 types of marriage, which one are you?
Once a man and a woman enter into marriage, these Four conflict modes will start, which may be one or multiple, but no matter which one they are, the relationship between husband and wife will come to an end.
Perhaps you will say that problems in marriage can be repaired and restored, but there is a saying that is good, don’t persuade others to do good unless they have suffered.
Bystanders may be able to see the problem clearly, but they will never be able to empathize with it. So when one party firmly wants a divorce, all you have to do is be a quiet bystander.
There is only one relationship between men and women in marriage, that is, husband and wife, but there are also two types of husband and wife, one is the good spouse, and the other is the resentful spouse. If you just blindly persuade the couple to make peace, the couple will become a resentful spouse, and the harm will only be done to them. Will be upgraded.
So, what is a decent divorce?
Two: Avoid impulsive divorce
Severe conflicts in marriage will definitely make both people very unhappy. Painful, sometimes, in order to avoid problems, you may get divorced in a hot head.
But this kind of divorce without careful consideration and any remedial measures can easily make people feel regretful.
A divorce that is too childish will also affect your subsequent relationship. After all, divorce is not like breaking up. You can cut off all relationships after marriage with just one word and a certificate.
Secondly, after making up your mind to divorce, you should resolve the remaining issues in the marriage and deal with the remaining emotions in the marriage.
Divorce will inevitably bring resentment, but since you feel separated, hating the other person is part of life, and reconciling with the other person is part of life.
In this case, it is better to communicate with the other party calmly and talk about your feelings in the past few years before divorce.
Maybe some people don’t want to leave and want to get back together.Then this way of retreating to advance can also ease your relationship.
And after this communication, you may also be able to find a more suitable way of getting along with each other.
In this way, no matter what the result of the communication is, at least you will have less resentment and more understanding of each other.
Three: A relationship lasts a long time
Spend more time sorting out your future life direction.
"Intimacy" believes:
The idea of ????divorce often comes early, but ending a marriage requires many years of thinking. Because divorce not only affects the present, but also affects the future emotional path of men and women.
So no matter whether you divorce amicably or not, no matter whether you have resentment towards each other or not, divorce is a very debilitating thing for everyone.
So after divorce, don’t force yourself to be happy, but learn to accept your negative emotions.
Four: 3 Problems in Marriage
At the same time, learn to draw lessons from the previous failed marriage. Whether you want to start a new relationship or not, consider these questions.
“What is the main problem in marriage?”
“When we reach the stage of divorce, is it a human problem or is it a problem that cannot be resolved?”
“What changes do you need to make?”.
Marriage is a practice for everyone, but the practice time may be long or short, and the results may be good or bad.
But no matter who we leave, we still have to figure it out with ourselves. No matter whose love we lose, we must continue to love ourselves well and give ourselves a better future.
