Emotions are inherently a game. Before each other expresses their feelings, they are competing for more initiative. And having less control over relationships means more uncertainty we have to bear. Does the person who takes the initiative first in a relationship lose?
Psychologists once pointed out that there is a basic principle in intimate relationships: the principle of least interest. That is, the party in the relationship who cares less about maintaining the relationship has more control over the relationship. They are invested but less emotionally involved, or have alternatives other than the relationship. The loss of leaving the relationship in time is not that great, so they have more rights to decide whether to continue the relationship.
In fact, such a game is likely to turn into a kind of harm, which is what we often refer to as "if we are serious, we will lose." ”
However, this behavior of reducing self-availability will indeed attract the other party to pursue you to a greater extent.
Studies have shown that people don’t like objects that are easily available, but low availability will also make people lose interest.
The signal of availability should be just right, not too strong so that the other party feels you are easy to get, and not too weak so that the other party loses interest in challenging.
Sometimes there is too much emphasis on routines, and it is difficult to grasp the right balance, but it is easy to expose flaws.
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If you want to maintain a relationship, routines are not the most important thing.
Some psychologists have found that when considering long-term relationships, people do not like those who know the routine very well; in the long run, the availability game will not only fail to maintain the relationship, but will make the relationship worse. Unstable.
Although this kind of game process will make the other party feel some crisis and increase the other party's liking for you, this process also Damage the other person's liking.
From another perspective, routines will only temporarily arouse the other party's desire to conquer, but they will not have much effect on maintaining a stable intimate relationship. You are just a trophy for the other person, not necessarily someone you really like and respect.
This kind of aloof approach will only make the relationship anxious and uneasy, and is not good for a long-term relationship.
Many people like to disguise themselves when pursuing others.
Because he is worried that his true self will make the other person feel bored and boring, so pretending may be more attractive to the other person.
But research shows that showing your true self is more attractive than being good at routines.Gravity, showing yourself will also make others more willing to enter into an intimate relationship with them.
Therefore, a stable relationship also requires the true self.
The true self includes our appearance, personality, personal charm, etc. Being able to show the true self is a very touching thing.
Of course, there are many factors for maintaining a stable relationship, and there is no single standard. None of us can guarantee that the other person will like us.
Sometimes gambling in love may make the other person love you more, but after all, skills cannot keep a person for a long time.
In "The Little Prince", when the rose left the little prince, she said: Of course I love you, but it was my fault for not letting you feel it.
Every time we face an unknown person sincerely, we are accumulating courage for our future, and it is also an acceptance and change of our true selves.
Just like, when we face ourselves, we not only make others like ourselves, but also make ourselves like ourselves.
