A girl with an avoidant attachment personality is very indifferent to her partner even if she is in love, and may even hurt her partner. One cannot help but wonder if it is because she does not like or love the other person enough. If you are unfortunate enough to be the partner of a girl with avoidant attachment personality, then you must be wondering whether girls with avoidant attachment personality are not loving enough? Let’s answer this question for you below.
1. The formation of avoidant attachment personality
Many avoidant personalities are born in families where most parents have cheating, domestic violence, cold violence and suppressive education. These children almost never grow up. I never received love from my parents.
In other words, these children have never received full love since childhood, and naturally they cannot learn "how to love others" from their parents.
This set of behavioral patterns is subtly transferred to intimate relationships. People’s various misunderstandings about avoidant personality actually come from “growing up in different families of origin”, and we cannot empathize with them.
From an avoidant perspective, love is always an elusive existence. This sense of escape is not that you are not good enough, but that once you face someone you like and like yourself, a strong inferiority complex arises in your heart, and you deny that you are "not worthy of love."
The avoidant type does not mean that they do not want love, but that they are very eager for love. Once love comes to them, they will immediately feel strange, and then choose an alienated attitude to maintain their own Safety.
2. Safety test of avoidant attachment personality
This is avoidant attachment personality. In close relationships One way that is often displayed in the Internet is [security testing]. To put it bluntly, because the avoidant type is extremely insecure in her heart, she needs to test "do you still love him or not" through repeated trials.
No one taught her how to love others when she was young, so when they grow up, they will treat their intimate relationships the same way their parents treated them.
In a sense, the reason why avoidance is a morbid psychology is because these people impose all the ways their parents treated them in the past on their partners and themselves. This seems to be a kind of harm to their partners and themselves, but in fact it is their punishment for their childhood.
3. How to get along with girls with avoidant attachment personality
As a partner, if you are concerned about avoidant attachment personality, The "indifference" displayed shows anxiety, impatience, and even rejection, which will make her feel that "she is not good enough and not worthy of this love", thereby aggravating her sense of escape. It is more difficult to open up their resistance.
If you really loveFor a girl with an avoidant attachment personality, you will need to put in a lot of effort to heal her childhood: try to start from the social circle, take her to participate in some comfortable and relaxed social activities, and always pay attention to her emotions and psychology when socializing. Fluctuation helped her slowly let go of the so-called armor of rejection, making her feel that "it turns out that she can integrate into the group", so that she can gradually let go of her own restrictions.
Similarly, short-distance travel is also an effective way to help avoidant groups open their shells.
In an environment where each other is relatively unfamiliar, it will make each other more dependent and trustful in their partner. At the same time, during the travel process, never ignore his thoughts and wishes. Don't be a commander, but more of a listener.
Through the accumulation of common experiences between two people, the avoidant type can completely trust you, accept you, and rely on you. Then the avoidant type will naturally open the closed shell and start to move like a safe partner.
Softening the avoidant type is bound to be a long process. But once you can open her heart, you will be surprised to find that "her love and enthusiasm are actually no less than yours."
So, do you understand? If you define all behaviors of avoidant types as "not loving enough", this will only intensify the avoidant type's sense of alienation and make them feel that "they are not good enough, which is why you think this way." What the avoidant type really needs is a safe partner to help her remove her hard shell and disguise, allowing her to actively accept herself and embrace the world.
At the same time, you need to be a caregiver and tell her "your existence is valuable and meaningful" so that she can affirm herself and give positive feedback on love.
