The TV series "Only Thirty" is about to come to an end. Zhong Xiaoqin in the TV series is finally getting divorced, which has made countless netizens who follow the series applaud. Unlike Gu Jia, Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu's marriage is more like most marriages in reality, without the bloody drama of cheating.
But there is one fatal injury that is most easily overlooked, and that is cold violence. Although Chen Yu has not committed any principled issues, he is indifferent and selfish.
Whenever there is a problem, lock yourself in the room. The fish you raise are more important than the unplanned child, just as Zhong Xiaoqin said in the play.
"It's not the child who has the problem, the child just made me discover the problem." Sadly, men like Chen Yu are the most common in marriages, and cold violence is their weapon.
Then why do many people habitually use cold violence to solve problems in marriage?
1: Psychological portrayal of cold violence
Because cold violence creates a relatively stable environment for the perpetrator.
Once the door is closed, all your complaints and nagging will be blocked at the door. He can ignore whatever you say, and he can pretend not to see what you do.
On the surface, it seems that he does not have the ability to solve problems.
But in terms of emotional depth, it means that he doesn’t want to meet your needs at all. In his heart, work, study, life, friends, and even game pets can all come before you.
Chen Yu said in "Thirty Only":
Marriage is to find a safe haven. Since it is a safe haven, there is no need to worry about running and maintaining it.
But for the recipients of cold violence, cold violence is not as simple as not speaking, but a kind of rejection and denial of hurt.
Under the cold violence of the other person, you will feel that you are not worthy of love and attention.
As time goes by, you will continue to deny yourself because of his indifference.
Two: Cold violence turns into active indifference
Some more extreme people will continue to give up on themselves , change yourself to gain the other person’s attention.
You think that if you change and you become what he likes, he will pay attention to you, but in fact, no matter how you change or what you become, he will not change his feelings for you. manner.
In the face of cold violence, you either have to cut your losses in time, leave this bad relationship, and re-establish a healthy and normal relationship.
Or make positive changes, not to change yourself, but to change the way you get along, but the premise is that the other party is willing to cooperate.
Some people’s cold violence is a habitual way of dealing with things.
In many cases, he is unaware of how much harm his indifferent behavior will cause to his partner.
There is also a kind of active indifference person who has discovered many problems in his marriage, but is unable to solve them. He does not know what to do with himself or how to communicate with you.
In this case, his cold and violent behavior is punishing you and himself.
Three: Don’t try to "endure" for the sake of temporary stability
If it is the case of these two situations, Then you have to tell him about the harm he has done to you. Whether it is marriage or love, "forbearance" is the most unwise and the most unfair behavior.
Establishing good communication is the first step to break indifference, if the other party himself is a person of few words.
You can set up a communication day and find a specific day every week to communicate. It doesn’t need to be too long, just an hour.
Of course, I don’t want you to save all your words in this one hour. You should still communicate how you usually communicate.
Of course, if you are in such a cold relationship and the adjustment and change are too painful, leaving may not be the right choice. After all, in any relationship, the first thing we should protect is Own.
