If you want to live a good life, you cannot escape trivial matters. After you have been married for a long time, you will inevitably feel tired because of some trivial things in life. But why do many people not feel that trivial things cause any trouble to themselves when they are single and living alone? But once you get married, you are often confused by little things.
Because when we live alone, we have fewer things to do, and secondly, any bad habits we have will not affect others. Even if you leave your dishes unwashed for three days, or even if you wash your clothes, socks and underwear together, no one will tell you what to do. You will feel relaxed and at ease, and you will not feel how annoying trivial matters are.
After marriage, it becomes more complicated. The biggest change is that you no longer live alone, and problems arise. Here it is.
We no longer have to live however we want, we have to take care of the other half’s feelings, and we have to face the other half’s bad habits. At the same time, there are too many things to do, including our own needs, the needs of our spouse, and even the needs of our children. We always have to consider everything.
So there is a series of tolerance, coordination, communication, etc. If you don’t do any of them well, the family will be in a state of chaos. Isn’t this tiring?
But there is no need to panic. In fact, being bothered by trivial matters in life is one of the easiest types of marriage problems to solve. So the trivial matters in marriage are tiring, how should we adjust them?
The first thing is to think outside the box.
The reason why many people often argue with their partners on trivial matters is that their emotions are often controlled by certain inherent thoughts, such as "I am right, you are unreasonable", "This is how I want to be" , why don’t you let me do this?”
Only by breaking out of these thoughts can you discuss things calmly, especially the idea of "you are wrong and I am right", which is most likely to cause conflicts and turn small things into big ones.
This applies to every time you subconsciously accuse the other person, or think that the other person is deliberately making things difficult for you, you might as well think about whether his opinion is reasonable and whether his needs are reasonable.
Think more, put yourself in the other person’s perspective, and then speak. Many times we feel that others are wrong, but we only consider our own feelings and habitually defend ourselves.
The second is to occasionally use a little violence to communicate.
Communication between husband and wife does not have to be gentle 100% of the time. As long as it does not affect the relationship, occasionally using violent communication methods can help resolve some long-term deadlocks.
But the violent communication mentioned here cannot be understood as arrogant and unreasonable, forcible coercion, but should not blindly coddle the other party, and should appropriately let him pay for the consequences of his behavior.
Violent communication methods are notIt’s not difficult, just do the three no’s: don’t help, don’t care, and don’t be soft-hearted.
The third is to have reasonable planning arrangements.
People who are troubled by trivial matters often have a common characteristic, which is the lack of reasonable planning for life and the inability to distinguish the priorities and priorities of things. Old issues have not been resolved for a long time, and we are always busy in the face of emergencies. The result is that we are always busy with things.
The first step is to sort out what needs to be done, and then prioritize and prioritize what should be done first. , which ones can be postponed, arranged in order.
The second step, and the most important step, is to strictly implement it. You cannot have the mentality of fishing for three days and drying the net for two days. At least in the early stages of adjustment, you must be strict, otherwise you will be in a hurry again.
The three mentioned above are all self-regulation, and they all work hard on us. In addition, some external factors can also be used. For example, modifying the living environment and adding some tools that can make life easier can have good effects.
The simplest change, adding a bouquet of favorite flowers on the bedside, can put us in a good mood to fall asleep.
