How can we fight without hurting our feelings- - maintain feelings

The reason why many friends dislike quarrels is because in their view, quarrels not only make themselves and their partners angry, but also hurt their feelings. Therefore, when faced with quarrels, what they are more willing to do is not to face them. In other words Even if you escape, in fact, this method cannot solve the problem. So today the editor will teach you how to quarrel correctly. Let’s take a look at the article that the editor brought today about how to quarrel without hurting feelings!

1. Before quarreling, let yourself relax first

There is no problem in expressing anger, but before expressing anger, you must first get rid of the state of being "controlled by anger". Because a relatively stable emotional state is the basis for elegant quarrels. Do a few small actions: take a deep breath, count, leave the scene that makes you angry, slow down, and ask yourself:

What is my current emotion? How intense is it?

< p>　What triggered my emotions?

Imagine yourself as an "outsider". Can you look at this from another angle? In a quarrel, when we are aware of our emotional state in time, we have already started And it is easy to adjust to a rational state.

2. Ask yourself: What do I want to gain from quarreling?

Being a "quarrel warrior" is not our purpose. Quarrel is for us to clarify boundaries and express needs.

If you are practicing conflict management, before you get into an argument, be clear about what you want to achieve. Be aware during an argument:

What am I saying now to achieve my goals?

If it doesn't help you achieve your goals, stop, no matter how angry you are.

3. Keep the quarrel small and do not talk about big things

Many people like to reason when quarreling. . This can make the argument derailed and difficult to stop. So, no matter what the other party says, we pull back to the specific requirements.

For example:

The other party: "I have paid a lot before, can't you see it?"

Me: "Yes, you go over there You have given a lot, I see it, and I cherish it. Thank you very much for your contribution. But today I cooked and I was very tired from work during the day. I hope you can wash the dishes, which can make me feel cared for and taken care of.”

4. Summarize and be aware of your "conflict points"

Conflicts also have degrees. If we understand quarrels as 9-10 points, we can improve our understanding of conflicts. Perception ability, in conflict at 6 and 7 "Put out the fire" in time when it breaks down to avoid unnecessary emotional loss.

You can summarize your own "conflict points":

Object: In what kind of relationship, what kind of situation do you face?Will it be easy for me to have conflicts with others?

Events: What kind of events will easily cause me to have conflicts with others?

My own emotional points: Under what circumstances will my emotional state change? Worse?

5. Behind the conflict, the essence is still a relationship problem

The last thing I want to say is that if it is an important relationship, it is more important than winning a fight. , is to see through the quarrel: What is wrong with our relationship?

Marriage expert Gary Chapman proposed a "love box" in "The Five Love Languages" Concept: The relationship between two people is fluid. Every time you do something to make the other person happy, the "love tank" is refueled. Every time you do something to make the other person sad, part of the "love tank" is depleted.

Quarrel is just a signal, the message behind it is: your love tank needs to be refueled. More important than quarreling, we can regard "seeing and meeting each other's needs" as something that requires continuous practice. When the "love tank" is full enough, quarrels can be an emotional spice.