There are many good people around us. When we do anything, we must consider what others think of us, whether others will be angry, and whether they will have a bad opinion of us. Everything should be done from the perspective of others, and Being in a passive and flattering position in people's interactions. We collectively call this type of people a pleaser personality. People with a pleaser personality are easily given the good guy card in the process of chasing girls, and they pay a lot but don't get the response they deserve. Let’s talk about how to change the pleaser personality?
1. What is a people-pleaser personality?
From a psychological point of view, people with a people-pleaser personality often put the needs and feelings of others first. For the sake of others, I will constantly trouble myself, often giving the most, but feel so unappreciated. ! ! There seems to be a message "I owe you" hidden in his heart. He gets along with everyone cautiously, fearing to cause the slightest trouble to others. First of all, the characteristics of this kind of personality include the following:
1. Good at hiding one's emotions (especially unhappy, frustrated and other negative emotions);
2. Very afraid of conflicts and often willing to make compromises;
3. Good at suppressing one’s own feelings and needs;
4 . Very sensitive, good at observing each other's emotional reactions, and responding accordingly to suit the other party;
5. Not knowing how to refuse, having no principles and bottom line (fear of rejecting others, others will not like them, in order to be able to If you live in peace with others, you will lose your principles and bottom line);
6. I often feel wronged in my heart, but I will hide it carefully when I go out;
7. I know that I have done nothing wrong. However, if others ignore you, you will become very sensitive. You will first think about whether you have done something wrong, and you will feel guilty in your heart.
2. How to change the people-pleasing personality
People with the people-pleasing personality will live a very tiring life and are easily moved by themselves, but they may not be grateful at all in the eyes of others, so they try to please others. Personality must seek change. So how should the pleaser personality be changed?
You can try to take the lead in a relationship and put yourself in the active position in the relationship, and you will find that others are also trying to please you. Break through yourself, list the things that make you feel psychologically uncomfortable, and try to change them one by one.
Here I recommend people with a please-pleaser personality to read a book called "The Courage to Be Disliked" to understand that not everyone Everyone should like themselves, and should not deliberately pursue the like and acceptance of others. Focus on yourself, learn to pay attention to your feelings, and calm your emotions. Learn to believe in yourself and love yourself. “I have grown up and do not need to connect with others in a flattering manner.””.
Improve your sense of boundaries, separate other people’s things from your own, and don’t have to pay for other people’s things. When you get out of the people-pleasing personality, you will find that your own feelings come first The most important thing is to follow your heart and be yourself.
